Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
