Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
