Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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