that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
