What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
