oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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