tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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