He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
