Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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