why didn't you poke me back
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
