I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Sorry my hands just texted you
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
