i permit you to call me
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
