i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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