i jhust puked up my retainher.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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