It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
