Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
