You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
