fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
