Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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