Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
