Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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