all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I need moral support for this bender
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
