We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
