8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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