Don't make out with my wife yet
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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