Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
