"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Someone came in the potted fern
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
