Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The struggles of a small town man whore
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
