he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
