i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Randomize
