he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
