you have to choose: penises or morals?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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