that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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