I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
