so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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