i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
