weddingsv make me drug and hornr
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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