She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
