there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
