he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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