is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
