would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
