I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
