We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
