I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You had me at "let me see your balls"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
