No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
