Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
