I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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