Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
