butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
