My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
